Life, and a Sense of Mortality
Outdoor gatherings of up to 100 people are now allowed in BC. And obviously the first group to take full advantage of this are the college students. If you visit Sunset Beach or walk along the Sea Wall at any time of day, but especially in the evening and on weekends, you see dozens of groups of students, living life the best way they can.
I get a sense of immortality from them, and I think that’s great. That’s what youth is for. For me, I cannot feel that way anymore. I am too aware of the various things that can kill us, I am too conscious of mortality. Maybe leaving behind immortality is the surest indicator of age in a person. Whether or not you are old depends on whether or not you think you can die.
You don’t have to be very old in terms of years to feel old anymore. The pandemic has accelerated the process of aging for many of us. This current global situation reminds me of an insightful passage in the novel Catch 22 by Joseph Heller.
It is the story of an aircraft squadron during WW2. Everyday when they fly another mission, they know that they might die. What does that do to the psyche of young people?
Do you know how long a year takes when it’s going away?” Dunbar asked Clevinger. “This long.” He snapped his fingers. “A second ago you were stepping into college with your lungs full of fresh air. Today you’re an old man.”
“Old?” asked Clevinger with surprise. “What are you talking about?”
“Old.”
“I’m not old.”
“You’re inches away from death every time you go on a mission. How much older can you be at your age? A half minute before that you were stepping into high school, and an unhooked brassiere was as close as you ever hoped to get to Paradise. Only a fifth of a second before that you were a small kid with a ten-week summer vacation that lasted a hundred thousand years and still ended too soon. Zip! They go rocketing by so fast. How the hell else are you ever going to slow time down?” Dunbar was almost angry when he finished.
“Well, maybe it is true,” Clevinger conceded unwillingly in a subdued tone. Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it’s to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?”
“I do,” Dunbar told him.
“Why?” Clevinger asked.
“What else is there?”
But to my point, death does not occur to young people. We can call them foolish, but it is such a seductive thought, to live every moment without the consideration that you could die. In so many ways, this is what real life is about.
Projections of the future, and therefore disease or death or even beyond the time of our own death, is a particular trait of humans. It is both fortune and folly. It has given us progress, which has led us to evolve beyond other animals. But it also plagues us, and to soothe our nerves we invent religions and pay gurus to tell us it will all be okay. We design complicated ideas of life after life, just so we can feel better about the passing of those we love, and the lost fruits of our lifelong labours.
Such a strange way to be.
Here, then, is a moment of life. Of many infinite lives. There is dancing, there are games, there are families and couples. What COVID took from us, among many other things, was visual evidence of what life can be like. It helps to go out and see it. It helps that it is now possible to go out and see it.
Even if you are not part of their world, simply watching can help us connect to other people. I like to think this way in places where I don’t know other people. This is a recurring problem as an immigrant in foreign parts of the world. I sit, and I take it in.
The process of drawing is conducive to the appreciation of life. You look once, and you make mental notes. Then you look again, to confirm but also to find something new. You discover more than you would at a single glance. This matters.
We spread a large towel over the soft grass, and sat to watch people at Sunset Beach. We sat in the shade, so we could see without squinting our eyes. Later, we got some delicious food from the chickpea-based vegan food truck, and an iced tea from the other truck.
Here’s a small exercise. Count the number of people in this drawing. As you count, observe what they are doing. Think about the various things people do. Isn’t it fascinating? Tell me what you think in the comments.